Resolutions Revisited

Hey New Year life-changers, are you still there?

I am not a farmer, although Pennsylvania is my home, this transplanted city boy, now fully country, has picked up some Amish-speak that dwindled here from Lancaster County and earlier European times.

One phrase is:  “Make hay while the sun shines” comes to mind as fitness experts, e-cigarette makers and diet guru’s frantically work to separate you from your unemployment check as January quickly closes in and their hottest sales month comes to an end.

Many years ago I substituted a Bacca addiction (tobacco you Yankees) with a new oral fixation-FOOD!

There have been relatively few products or programs on the market that I have not tried, believing their magic beans possessed the weight loss secret of the ages. I have been bamboozled by the best of them.

Older, wiser and a little less well funded (and yo-yo dieting pounds heavier), I have developed an inner-radar detecting the most bizarre current fat shedding schemes on the planet today.

I heard one of the latest scams provides you with a little pill, so powerful, that you must follow the ingestion schedule on the bottle or your weight will disappear so quickly you could dissolve into nothingness overnight. 

Plan B-You may have to reduce your intake to only one daily, or even less, so be very careful.

I guess their plan C will be just licking the thing when the mood arises.

Oh yes, by the way, the pills work best with a sensible eating plan and 30 minutes of walking daily.

I often thought that when the day arrives, and I finally reach my Nirvana of less poundage, I would impart my wisdom and journey between the pages of a softbound cover, $19.95 available on Amazon (the PBS fund drive version has 8 DVD’s and a workbook).

I too can help millions from my beach house on my private island, an airstrip for my personal jet, and wealth rivaling the average 20+ year-old Grammy-Award winner.

The following year I will need to lampoon it on this blog.