Thursday, March 13, 2014

Watch out Drones!

James Thurber, in his 1933 classic “My Life and Hard Times” speaks of his Grandmother’s horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house. 

As Mr. Thurber explains: "It leaked, she contended, out of the empty sockets if the wall switch had been left on. 

She would go around screwing in bulbs, and if they lighted up she would hastily and fearfully turn off the wall switch and go back to her reading. 

Happy in the satisfaction that she had stopped not only a costly but a dangerous leakage".

Fast forward to 2014 when the Mrs. Jay Gerard is in constant apprehension of internet “Peeping Toms” and spends an inordinate amount of shoe leather running a muck fastening index cards to any technology containing an available camera. She also believes Windows 8 allows the microphone in her laptop to listen-in on all her conversations, even when shut down and stored 3 stories up.

As I write she has blackened all household window panes and is using a screw gun to secure particle board as additional cover-up to prevent predator drones from gaining ground . She has littered the house with aluminum-foil hats too!

I haven’t the heart to tell her Spookya Radio recently had a discussion regarding hidden spy cameras in flat screen televisions.  If I do I can expect walls covered with 30 gallon trash bags.

I am just not as frightened as others when it comes to thinking that there may be forces out there who wish to use today's technology to catalog my daily routine for future manipulations.

First, I am somewhat flattered as I could never imagine that my boring life could be of interest to anyone. Heck I don’t even want to think about it and I gotta live in it.

Second, I am way too lazy to spend time taking all these precautions. If it’s money they seek, good luck, if it’s photos, again good luck.

My wife and kids called me “Mr. Gadget” as my love for technology, especially what may be on the horizon, has always been an interest. This is why Batman has always been my geek super hero of choice.

Jack Nicholson’s “Joker” in the movie jealously lamented “Where does he get all those toys”?

As much as I do like toys, I always resisted upgrading to a smart phone.   

Phone conversations are not my preferred method of communication. Face-to-face, then Skype are surely better. I do like texting as I can keep phone conversations to a minimum and found this to be a preferred method of communication by many people today.

Well this week I was issued a new company phone by my newspaper, a Samsung Galaxy 4 and I am not only elated, I am totally sold.

My new toys of choice are the apps, I can’t seem to get enough. It is as if I can now discard a whole table full of technology and carry my life everywhere in one convenient little rectangle. 

And I don’t have to be a twelve-year-old girl to read the display or work the keyboard. It is adult-friendly!

I am now Batman in my own home. I was awaiting my wife to play the part of the Joker and jealously lament “where does he get all those toys”?

Instead I found it today on a table, index cards fastened securely and wrapped in aluminum foil.

Watch out drones...she knows you're out there and she's coming after you next!